Almost every blog I follow is doing an end of year round up and each time I read one I just feel so inadequate. Everyone seems to have achieved something this year and whilst that is undoubtedly fantastic for him or her, it leaves me pondering on my own year and what few achievements I feel I’ve scraped together.
2011 has been just another year for me. I started it on a low and I’m ending it on a low. Suffering from depression has a way of doing that to you. In the first 4 months of the year I was in a constant battle with myself over college and the relationship I wasn’t in but was still totally involved in. I was in a very toxic place which I very much needed to get out of but couldn’t. Even in the worst storms it is preferable to cling to the sharpest rock to avoid being drowned. Eventually everything came to a head and my ex-boyfriend and I walked away from each other. He sent me a message saying how he was going to work on his own issues to get better and I promised to do the same. It allowed me the respite I needed to spend my final two months of college trying to get enough work together to pass the year. Which I just about did thankfully.
In July after a painful and brief reunion with the ex, something I felt would happen on the way out to the night we would happen to see each other, we said goodbye for good and I left for Portugal for two months.
Portugal wasn’t what I expected. At first I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy where I was. I wanted so badly to go home. But eventually I began to feel better and I began to smile again. Then I took a turn for the worse, which led to a turn for the better. I began to feel great. I began to plan. My creative side woke up and the part of me that depression so masterly covers re-appeared under that Portuguese sun. I wrote and wrote, planned and planned, smiled and smiled. I got excited to come home. I felt hopeful. I felt excited by the prospect of life finally getting better.
But leaving for two months didn’t mean my problems had gone away; I’d just left them here waiting for me. Within a week of being home I was back under my depression blanket crying.
Going back to college felt painful and I felt I no longer belonged there. I tried to fit back in, tried to take up the plans I’d so eagerly made in Portugal but in the end I just didn’t want to be there anymore. So against absolutely everyone’s advice I left. I didn’t even say goodbye.
And now for this past month or two I have been here in my room feeling emptier than I have in a long while. It isn’t easy being here. I am ashamed that my life has become this. I never wanted this for myself. I just didn’t have the energy nor motivation to stop it becoming this. I have no education, no job, no prospects, no confidence and I’m still in love with someone who I can’t be with. I feel like I have little to nothing to offer anyone.
What I know I do have though is a new year ahead of me. I try not to think of resolutions and what 2012 may hold for me too much. But I want so badly to achieve something this coming year. I want at the end to look back and say, “hey I did these things and I am proud of that”. I want to not be ashamed. I want to get better.
So 2012 I’d like to suggest you and I work hard together to make this a good year for us. I’d like you to be the year I start getting my life back.
Laters,
P x
30 December 2011
28 December 2011
Lomo Wednesday - stratski
Last Thursday I gave a very succinct glimpse at the shots of Lomographer stratski because I simply couldn't resist posting those misty dawn photographs. So for Lomo Wednesday I'm going to give you a more rounded look at her photographs. I go through periods of not seeing any shots I like on the Lomography website to suddenly finding loads I like then not knowing who to post about first. Next week's featured Lomographer has already been selected in fact. But for now here are some of my favourites from stratski.
No doubt you've noticed the preference for the black & white shots here. Makes a change from my preference to photographs taken with the LC-A. But I think you'll agree that photographing nature in black & white can give it such a beautifully haunting feel.
The other thing I noticed about stratski's Lomo home was the inclusion of some themed albums. Understandably I think most people upload their photographs and collate them according to the event they were taken for or the camera type or film used. Stratski has a few albums which contain nothing but photographs of one subject. Such as The Airplane Flies, an album which contains nothing but shots of airplanes flying above. And who hasn't at least contemplated if not shot a roll featuring all the local graffiti much like this signs album. Or my personal favourite Sleeping Beauty, an album featuring nothing but sleeping festival goers. I think it's a really sweet idea to keep a themed album together and I may well try it out in future should I notice a subject pattern emerge.
So there you have it, the delightful stratski. I hope you've enjoyed this selection of photographs and are encouraged to check out more of her photographs. And indeed the Lomography website in general. Opinions are always welcome!
Laters,
P x
No doubt you've noticed the preference for the black & white shots here. Makes a change from my preference to photographs taken with the LC-A. But I think you'll agree that photographing nature in black & white can give it such a beautifully haunting feel.
The other thing I noticed about stratski's Lomo home was the inclusion of some themed albums. Understandably I think most people upload their photographs and collate them according to the event they were taken for or the camera type or film used. Stratski has a few albums which contain nothing but photographs of one subject. Such as The Airplane Flies, an album which contains nothing but shots of airplanes flying above. And who hasn't at least contemplated if not shot a roll featuring all the local graffiti much like this signs album. Or my personal favourite Sleeping Beauty, an album featuring nothing but sleeping festival goers. I think it's a really sweet idea to keep a themed album together and I may well try it out in future should I notice a subject pattern emerge.
So there you have it, the delightful stratski. I hope you've enjoyed this selection of photographs and are encouraged to check out more of her photographs. And indeed the Lomography website in general. Opinions are always welcome!
Laters,
P x
27 December 2011
22 December 2011
My oh my...
I know I'm seriously slacking at the moment but in the run up to Christmas I've been a bit distracted. There is also the small matter of being utterly uninspired when it comes to blogging and indeed life itself currently. I need to get a fresh head on and get productive again. I have cameras to test out, films to experiment with and things to review. Everything just feels so sluggish right now. Blah. Need to shake it all off ready for the new year.
Now I must confess, I haven't been keeping such a close eye on the Lomography society recently hence the missed Lomo Wednesdays. However tonight I've stumbled upon someone who will definitely get a full feature next Wednesday. For now though I just HAVE to post the following photographs because they further fill me with maddening lust for my most desired camera, the Olympus Trip 35.
This album by Lomographer stratski contains a mere three photographs but all three of them are stunning. See for yourself.
Dawn by stratski
There is something a bit Joe Wright's Pride and Prejudice about these photographs. I can imagine stomping through these scenes with my wellies on and my scarf draped around my neck heading towards my own Mr Darcy. Not that I have one. But the point is there is something undeniably romantic about these shots. They fill me with wanderlust.
Shot on an Olympus Trip 35 using Kodak Portra 160.
I may well be spending a portion of my Christmas money on an Olympus Trip 35 in the new year. I just can't resist this camera much longer.
Laters,
P x
Now I must confess, I haven't been keeping such a close eye on the Lomography society recently hence the missed Lomo Wednesdays. However tonight I've stumbled upon someone who will definitely get a full feature next Wednesday. For now though I just HAVE to post the following photographs because they further fill me with maddening lust for my most desired camera, the Olympus Trip 35.
This album by Lomographer stratski contains a mere three photographs but all three of them are stunning. See for yourself.
Dawn by stratski
There is something a bit Joe Wright's Pride and Prejudice about these photographs. I can imagine stomping through these scenes with my wellies on and my scarf draped around my neck heading towards my own Mr Darcy. Not that I have one. But the point is there is something undeniably romantic about these shots. They fill me with wanderlust.
Shot on an Olympus Trip 35 using Kodak Portra 160.
I may well be spending a portion of my Christmas money on an Olympus Trip 35 in the new year. I just can't resist this camera much longer.
Laters,
P x
14 December 2011
Christmas Wish List
For the most part I'm very anti-Christmas. The hype, the commercialism, the adverts, the pressure, the sickening feeling of being alone at this time of year? None of that is for me. However I can't resist making a Christmas wish list entirely for blogging purposes. So if I were to have a perfect Christmas this year these are the gifts I'd be hoping for under my tree.
1.)
Camera Lust - An Olympus Trip 35 - available at Trip Man
I cannot explain my desire for this nifty little camera. It's a cult classic once used by the old master himself David Bailey. For me it just seems a perfect, in the bag, on the go camera. It's somewhat loosely comparable to your digital compact I suppose. Except 10x better because analogue is the way forward didn't you know? The problem is I'm having a hard time deciding on which colour to go for.
2.)
Reading List - George R R Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire - available at Amazon
I am like many a folk out there a big fan of HBO's Game of Thrones based on George R R Martin's fantasy novel series. And I have actually listened to the audiobooks of all the books already. So why would I want the paperbacks? Because I am a reading nerd and I want to be able to say I've actually read the books. I won't feel I know the series properly until I do. Funnily enough a friend and I are doing an online book club for a big read through of the whole series. But I'll tell you about that another time. The reason A Clash of Kings is crossed out is because I picked up a copy of that for 50p! Amazing. My father has kindly bought me the rest of the books (barring A Dance With Dragons) for my Christmas present. The only thing on this list I'll actually be getting which I'm genuinely delighted with.
3.)
Geek Girl - The Walking Dead Graphic Novels, volumes 2, 6, 14 & 15 - available at Amazon
If you weren't already aware I'm a bit of a geek and when I can afford them (very rarely) I enjoy a good graphic novel. I've got a petite collection of my own including The Walking Dead. Now I've been with this series for a fair few years. The first big love of my life introduced me to them back when I was roughly 18/19. Together we got so far but when we split I obviously no longer had access to his collection and tragically I couldn't afford my own. Now when I met the third big love of my life t'other year one of the things he found attractive about me was my geek tendencies. And guess what? He was a Walking Dead fan too. Gloriously I got to delve into his collection and finally catch up. Of course then we split and once again I was separated from this beautiful story. However with my student loan and an eagle eye spotting of nearly all the books generously discounted in Fopp I snapped them up. I'm missing the first three volumes listed above and the last one, volume 15, hasn't been released yet. So they've got long awaited wish list status.
4.)
The Practicals
Sometimes you just need the basics. For me the basics this year include new bags, a snood and a hat.
a.) Burgundy Canvas Backpack - available at ASOS
As my camera collection grows I find myself wanting more than one camera with me at any time. As to ensure I can cover any possible photographic situation. However carrying cameras plus spare film and accessories is a little shoulder aching (I'm a persistent shoulder bag gal). Whilst I was in Portugal I utilised my old faithful Jansport backpack which I've had since I was 17. However my Jansport backpack is a bit too big and heaven forbid a little unfashionable for wear here in Blighty. So I fancy myself this little burgundy number from ASOS Men's section. Big enough to pop all my photographic gear in whilst still looking less than unfashionable. Oh let's face it, hardly anyone can pull off the backpack look but have you tried taking photographs with a handbag over your shoulder? Irritating as hell.
b.) Ladies Striped Bag - available at Peacocks
Yes I have a backpack on my wish list and yes I also have this bag on my wish list. Deal with it. I like bags. Now I don't know what the general feel towards Peacocks is but I've picked up some cracking things from there a few times now. Including two of my best handbags. Now this bag would be similar to the backpack purpose wise but for those days when I wish to appear that little bit more fashionable. I've seen this in store so I'm aware that it's perfectly big enough for my needs.
c.) Oversized Snood in deep red - available at New Look
I have long been interested in the snood but have yet to venture into the actual wearing of one. As a big fan of scarves (I genuinely don't feel right not wearing one) the snood seems a treat to me. None of that loose scarf trails blowing around in the wind or working their way to one size for that wonky look.
d.) Fishermans Beanie Hat in cream - available at New Look
I will admit I am mostly attracted to this hat for that name, fishermans beanie hat. But winter is coming (House Stark anyone?) and whilst I still love my massive hat from last year, it is something of a tradition to buy a new hat. Also I'd like something that still shows my curls so I'm not mistaken for a chap. I have images in my head of myself wandering around with hat, snood, and backpack on snapping away at a blanket of crisp, white snow. Perfectly wintery.
5.)
Hero Worship - What Would Tom Waits Do? t-shirt - available at Etsy
Did you guys know that Tom Waits is one of my many Gods? Along with Viggo Mortensen and Stephen Fry. I could tell you a lengthy tale of how I came to adore Tom Waits but I won't. It's a far too personal story. Anyways, I adore this man and I adore this play of the What Would Jesus Do? bracelets sometimes worn by committed Christians. I much prefer the question when applied to Tom Waits. The man would have a smoke, a drink, allude you with his wit then go off for a growl with any one of his mental instruments. So I figure this t-shirt would be the perfect way to pay homage to the great man himself. Fun fact, T W is also my dad's initials.
6.)
The Don of Keyrings - Ron Swanson keyring - available at Etsy
If you're not a regular watcher of Parks and Recreation, please I beg you to commit yourself to catching up with this fantastic series. It has a whole wealth of amazing characters and is utterly hilarious. One of the best characters (and that's saying something when everyone brings something awesome to the show) is undoubtedly Ron Swanson, the director of the Parks and Recreation department. I knew of this guy before I'd even seen the show because he was all over Tumblr in screengrabs and quotes. I feel this particular quote is both about me and by me.
7.)
Be The Wild Thing - Max Onesie - available only in dreams or at the hands of a nifty seamstress/costume maker
Onesies are gradually taking over as the nightwear to have these days. I confess I get tempted to buy one myself at times but always hold back. Mostly because no onesie will ever compete with a Max from Where The Wild Things Are wolf suit onesie. I would do terrible things to have one of these. I know there are companies out there that make very similar onesies but with zips rather than the authentic Max style buttons but that isn't good enough for me. I'd want mine to be exactly like Max's because I'm that fussy/geeky.
Alright well that's it for my Christmas wish list. It is all mostly a fantasy but it's tame compared to the lists I used to write for my mum when I was a kid.
Laters,
P x
1.)
Camera Lust - An Olympus Trip 35 - available at Trip Man
I cannot explain my desire for this nifty little camera. It's a cult classic once used by the old master himself David Bailey. For me it just seems a perfect, in the bag, on the go camera. It's somewhat loosely comparable to your digital compact I suppose. Except 10x better because analogue is the way forward didn't you know? The problem is I'm having a hard time deciding on which colour to go for.
2.)
Reading List - George R R Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire - available at Amazon
I am like many a folk out there a big fan of HBO's Game of Thrones based on George R R Martin's fantasy novel series. And I have actually listened to the audiobooks of all the books already. So why would I want the paperbacks? Because I am a reading nerd and I want to be able to say I've actually read the books. I won't feel I know the series properly until I do. Funnily enough a friend and I are doing an online book club for a big read through of the whole series. But I'll tell you about that another time. The reason A Clash of Kings is crossed out is because I picked up a copy of that for 50p! Amazing. My father has kindly bought me the rest of the books (barring A Dance With Dragons) for my Christmas present. The only thing on this list I'll actually be getting which I'm genuinely delighted with.
3.)
Geek Girl - The Walking Dead Graphic Novels, volumes 2, 6, 14 & 15 - available at Amazon
If you weren't already aware I'm a bit of a geek and when I can afford them (very rarely) I enjoy a good graphic novel. I've got a petite collection of my own including The Walking Dead. Now I've been with this series for a fair few years. The first big love of my life introduced me to them back when I was roughly 18/19. Together we got so far but when we split I obviously no longer had access to his collection and tragically I couldn't afford my own. Now when I met the third big love of my life t'other year one of the things he found attractive about me was my geek tendencies. And guess what? He was a Walking Dead fan too. Gloriously I got to delve into his collection and finally catch up. Of course then we split and once again I was separated from this beautiful story. However with my student loan and an eagle eye spotting of nearly all the books generously discounted in Fopp I snapped them up. I'm missing the first three volumes listed above and the last one, volume 15, hasn't been released yet. So they've got long awaited wish list status.
4.)
The Practicals
Sometimes you just need the basics. For me the basics this year include new bags, a snood and a hat.
a.) Burgundy Canvas Backpack - available at ASOS
As my camera collection grows I find myself wanting more than one camera with me at any time. As to ensure I can cover any possible photographic situation. However carrying cameras plus spare film and accessories is a little shoulder aching (I'm a persistent shoulder bag gal). Whilst I was in Portugal I utilised my old faithful Jansport backpack which I've had since I was 17. However my Jansport backpack is a bit too big and heaven forbid a little unfashionable for wear here in Blighty. So I fancy myself this little burgundy number from ASOS Men's section. Big enough to pop all my photographic gear in whilst still looking less than unfashionable. Oh let's face it, hardly anyone can pull off the backpack look but have you tried taking photographs with a handbag over your shoulder? Irritating as hell.
b.) Ladies Striped Bag - available at Peacocks
Yes I have a backpack on my wish list and yes I also have this bag on my wish list. Deal with it. I like bags. Now I don't know what the general feel towards Peacocks is but I've picked up some cracking things from there a few times now. Including two of my best handbags. Now this bag would be similar to the backpack purpose wise but for those days when I wish to appear that little bit more fashionable. I've seen this in store so I'm aware that it's perfectly big enough for my needs.
c.) Oversized Snood in deep red - available at New Look
I have long been interested in the snood but have yet to venture into the actual wearing of one. As a big fan of scarves (I genuinely don't feel right not wearing one) the snood seems a treat to me. None of that loose scarf trails blowing around in the wind or working their way to one size for that wonky look.
d.) Fishermans Beanie Hat in cream - available at New Look
I will admit I am mostly attracted to this hat for that name, fishermans beanie hat. But winter is coming (House Stark anyone?) and whilst I still love my massive hat from last year, it is something of a tradition to buy a new hat. Also I'd like something that still shows my curls so I'm not mistaken for a chap. I have images in my head of myself wandering around with hat, snood, and backpack on snapping away at a blanket of crisp, white snow. Perfectly wintery.
5.)
Hero Worship - What Would Tom Waits Do? t-shirt - available at Etsy
Did you guys know that Tom Waits is one of my many Gods? Along with Viggo Mortensen and Stephen Fry. I could tell you a lengthy tale of how I came to adore Tom Waits but I won't. It's a far too personal story. Anyways, I adore this man and I adore this play of the What Would Jesus Do? bracelets sometimes worn by committed Christians. I much prefer the question when applied to Tom Waits. The man would have a smoke, a drink, allude you with his wit then go off for a growl with any one of his mental instruments. So I figure this t-shirt would be the perfect way to pay homage to the great man himself. Fun fact, T W is also my dad's initials.
6.)
The Don of Keyrings - Ron Swanson keyring - available at Etsy
If you're not a regular watcher of Parks and Recreation, please I beg you to commit yourself to catching up with this fantastic series. It has a whole wealth of amazing characters and is utterly hilarious. One of the best characters (and that's saying something when everyone brings something awesome to the show) is undoubtedly Ron Swanson, the director of the Parks and Recreation department. I knew of this guy before I'd even seen the show because he was all over Tumblr in screengrabs and quotes. I feel this particular quote is both about me and by me.
7.)
Be The Wild Thing - Max Onesie - available only in dreams or at the hands of a nifty seamstress/costume maker
Onesies are gradually taking over as the nightwear to have these days. I confess I get tempted to buy one myself at times but always hold back. Mostly because no onesie will ever compete with a Max from Where The Wild Things Are wolf suit onesie. I would do terrible things to have one of these. I know there are companies out there that make very similar onesies but with zips rather than the authentic Max style buttons but that isn't good enough for me. I'd want mine to be exactly like Max's because I'm that fussy/geeky.
Alright well that's it for my Christmas wish list. It is all mostly a fantasy but it's tame compared to the lists I used to write for my mum when I was a kid.
Laters,
P x
Lomo Wednesday - upic (again)
Long overdue I know and it's technically not a new Lomohome I'm showing you. But I absolutely had to share the latest album from previously featured Lomographer upic.
Presenting "The wolf is around."
How simple and fun a series is this? Such an easy concept to try out. Grab a friend. Grab a mask. Shoot said friend in said mask in a variety of locations. Kapow! Gives me ideas for sure.
The series was shot on a Pentacon Six which is a medium format SLR camera. Hard to believe some of them are film though since they look so pure. Amazing how good some photographs can turn out with a good camera and good film.
I'll get back into regularly posting a new Lomo home each Wednesday I promise. I've found a couple of potentials to share with you all but I'm still hunting for someone with those 'WOW' kind of photographs.
Hope you like these for now though!
Laters,
P x
Presenting "The wolf is around."
How simple and fun a series is this? Such an easy concept to try out. Grab a friend. Grab a mask. Shoot said friend in said mask in a variety of locations. Kapow! Gives me ideas for sure.
The series was shot on a Pentacon Six which is a medium format SLR camera. Hard to believe some of them are film though since they look so pure. Amazing how good some photographs can turn out with a good camera and good film.
I'll get back into regularly posting a new Lomo home each Wednesday I promise. I've found a couple of potentials to share with you all but I'm still hunting for someone with those 'WOW' kind of photographs.
Hope you like these for now though!
Laters,
P x
7 December 2011
Of home and friends
The title says it all.
Yeah the ones of my friends are either massively underexposed or utterly blurred. Switched from auto to manual mid shooting and this is what I got. I'm sad they didn't work out but it's all a lesson.
Laters,
P x
Yeah the ones of my friends are either massively underexposed or utterly blurred. Switched from auto to manual mid shooting and this is what I got. I'm sad they didn't work out but it's all a lesson.
Laters,
P x
Ripping it up in Dublin
I don't know if I ever mentioned but whilst I was in Dublin (again back in October), one of the films in my Olympus OM10 ripped midst rewind. I was a bit devastated as I'd just taken some pretty awesome shots and was sad that they might be ruined. I managed carefully to extract the roll from my camera, underneath my black scarf, and roll it into an empty film canister. And since then its just been hanging out in my room waiting for me to dare take it in for developing. I finally did.
And guess what?
The lab totally managed to develop it! Awesome right?! I'm so pleased. Well done to those clever chaps at DS Colour Labs for sorting my film out. I've had nearly all my films developed there and they always do a top job.
I love those Oscar Wilde shots. I was so scared I'd lost them with the film ripping. The rest of the shots can be found in this album on Flickr.
Laters,
P x
And guess what?
The lab totally managed to develop it! Awesome right?! I'm so pleased. Well done to those clever chaps at DS Colour Labs for sorting my film out. I've had nearly all my films developed there and they always do a top job.
I love those Oscar Wilde shots. I was so scared I'd lost them with the film ripping. The rest of the shots can be found in this album on Flickr.
Laters,
P x
Sheffield
All the way back in October I went to Sheffield to see Laura Marling do a matinee show at the Sheffield Cathedral. Naturally I took my Olympus OM10 for a photographic wander. Despite it being less than an hour away on the train I've never been to Sheffield (having to change trains there a couple times doesn't count). It'd be cool to wander round there with a native. I didn't have enough time to really explore on my own. But I liked what I saw. And Laura Marling was fantastic.
Shot on Fujifilm Superia Pro 400H (the outside shots and the botanical gardens shots) and Fujifilm Superia 800 (inside the cathedral).
Whole album is here on Flickr.
Laters,
P x
Shot on Fujifilm Superia Pro 400H (the outside shots and the botanical gardens shots) and Fujifilm Superia 800 (inside the cathedral).
Whole album is here on Flickr.
Laters,
P x
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